Why I'm Here



My new bicycle basket filled with organic bananas from the market



I just thought I'd update to let everyone, especially my family, know that I'm feeling better. I spent much of my day just lying in bed watching the sunshine's reflection on the trees. The light shines so beautifully all around my bed. It is so wonderful not having walls and being so close to nature. Geckos have been climbing all around me as I sit here, and the wind has been coming right through my bed, keeping me feeling fresh and cooled down from the high fever.



I feel very blessed to have had this day of rest. Ever since waking up this morning I knew today was going to be very powerful. I felt unbelievably weak this morning, like my body was just giving up. I sat in silence for a very long time, looking deep within to try and see why I had been given this day and this situation. All I knew was that it was a very good thing and that I required a lot of rest and a complete respect of my body and it's ability to heal itself. 



I watched videos of Eckhart Tolle and gained so much inspiration and faith from them. I also started to read "A Course in Miracles" which I'm enjoying so far. It begins with this:

   Nothing real can be threatened.

   Nothing unreal exists.

  Herein lies the peace of god. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about my purpose here. I always used to think it must be something really grand because there were so many things in the world that I wanted to see change, and I was so passionate about getting out there and fighting the good fight. I've changed so much though, and now the thought of trying to change anyone or anything seems ridiculous and completely unnecessary. I am here to learn, to experience, and most of all to love. Now when I look within to see when I feel the most passionate and fulfilled, I see that it is during times of feeling unconditional love for everyone I meet. Times I feel the most out of balance are when I am judging the world, thinking it's not perfect just the way it is. That is something very new to me, but very true. When I see things in the world that seem wrong, or unfair, or ugly, I realize it is only things within myself that I have believed to be this way. The world is perfect. The only journey I have is within. I think one of the very first quotes I started carrying with me, when I was about 16, was this one by Gandhi: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." I thought it was so brilliant, but it wasn't until more recently that I began to understand it's meaning in a different way. I used to think of fighting for animal rights, convincing people to turn their health around, to respect the earth, to love one another. These were changes I wanted to see, but by fighting, and resisting reality all I would accomplish is more of the same. Who am I to know what is true or right for anyone else?

For me, to be silent, to live my truth, and just to experience this beautiful world unfolding as it is, that is a true gift, and I strive to move more towards acceptance and surrender each day.



Tired, but feeling very peaceful