Day 9 of Papaya Mono Diet + Meditation

That thou mayest have pleasure in everything,
seek pleasure in nothing.
That thou mayest know everything,
seek to know nothing.
That thou mayest possess all things,
seek to possess nothing.
That thou mayest be everything,
seek to be nothing.

-St. John of the Cross

I had a really nice last weekend here. Sundays are usually my day of rest, and my plan was to spend the day sitting in the shade and reading the stack of books I got from the library for my long weekend, but I woke up in the morning with my body wanting to move. I went for a short walk and planted some fruit trees, but that didn't cut it, so I looked at my map and realized I could bike along the shoreline through the jungle on Beach Road for miles and miles. So I ate a nice meal of papayas, grabbed my camera and hopped on my bike. After a while I told myself that I should turn back so as not to exhaust my healing body, but the explorer in me just had to keep going. I'd never seen places as beautiful in my entire life. Every couple of miles I would just stop and look out into the ocean or jungle, completely awestruck. It truly took my breath away. I hope you can get a glimpse of the beauty I experienced through these photos, but they really can't do it justice. I live in heaven on earth! On Monday I decided to bike to the hot pond, to relax and lay in the sun. I ended up swimming for hours, just floating in the lava warmed water, with little tropical fish nibbling on my legs.

Weekend Papayas-Solo Variety

The Sweetest Nectar- Rainbow Papayas!



I stopped my bike to take a photo of the rainforest, and I looked to the right(see next photo)



And found myself in a grove of jackfruit trees! Free for the eating! None for me though, still loving papayas:)

Majestic Ironwood forest. I want to have many more moments in this place

Their needles cover the lava rocks, making it look like a desert

Meyers lemons, ripening on the farm

Watching the chicken under the lemon tree right outside my cabin

Sunday breakfast, with fairy wand flower

This pineapple was only the size of a golf ball when I arrived on the farm.



My Dreads are 4 months old:)



I've gone 9 days on papayas now, and I still feel no urge to stop. My energy is increasing and exercise is becoming easier. I've been walking nearly 10 kms each day, often carrying a heavy load of papayas, and I'm feeling more and more able all the time. My muscles don't get sore anymore. My intestinal troubles have diminished by about 50% and it improves each day. I have had only one mild migraine since starting this mono diet, compared to before, where I had a severe one almost every day. I do go through deep cleansing periods where my body just wants to rest. After almost fasting yesterday(I wasn't able to carry home enough papayas for the whole weekend) and then not having food until noon time today, I could feel my body working hard on healing. When I brushed my teeth my mouth was filled with something black and thick, and even after almost a day without food my stomach was becoming more and more bloated. I can feel the detoxification going on and sometimes it makes me too exhausted even to read a book. But it doesn't hurt. Usually I just feel very calm and relaxed and I know to be still and just focus on this healing.

Only a day before my big move. I'm taking in everything I can from this farm before I go. I'm eating a lot of organic papayas grown just outside my door, watching the chickens, and all the cats who have become my friends, and just sitting on the grass in the sunshine, saying my goodbyes to the life I've had here for almost 3 months. As much as I'll miss this place, I'm excited about moving on, and knowing that in about a month I might be moving onto my own land. I have durian, and chocolate sapote trees ready to go in the ground, and I'm carefully taking them with me everywhere I go. I've had to get rid of a lot of my things so that I can carry everything to my next place and I found that I have a lot of attachment to my belongings, even to the smallest of things. Giving these things away felt like I was losing a part of my identity. I do best with few possessions, but when my mind becomes hectic, I tend to possess more items in my life. The more still I am inside, the more content I am with nothing.

By having the gift of living the life that most people only dream of, I am able to really see into my own mind, of how afraid it gets when my life is perfect. Most people go through their entire lives believing one of two things; 1)That they need to attain something, such as a good job, a home in a beautiful place, a perfect partner, wealth, vacations, etc., to make them happy, or at least ok. 2)That they need to get rid of something in their lives that is making them miserable, such as a bad job, debt, stressful family situations, etc before they can be at peace. What I have realized about myself is that not only does having wonderful things(or having a lack of terrible things) not make me happy or more peaceful, it aggravates my mind, making me more stressed and anxious. It is at times when I see how perfect my outer life is that I realize how unfulfilled I am inside. It's like when you first try to meditate and it seems like your mind is speeding up and you feel even less calm and peaceful. What's happening is that you are finally looking within and admitting that the problem is not outside of you. You are seeing the ego and how ridiculous it is. It is very scary and very empowering.

What is it that makes meditation, and just being with yourself so intimidating? Why don't we all just spend our days doing what is truly important, getting to know our true selves? Because we're scared to death of it. We'd rather live our lives, staying where we're comfortable, in suffering, whether mildly, or more intensely, than face what has been going inside of us. Don't you see how you run towards drama so that you can blame it for your unhappiness? It is so much easier than facing the fact that you are causing your own suffering. I'm reading a book by Ram Dass called "Journey of Awakening" and he mentions how people live in a state of pain, because it is familiar:

"We have built up a set of ego habits for gaining satisfaction. For some it involves pleasure; for others, more neurotic, it involves pain. As you look at many people's lives you see that their suffering is in a way gratifying, for they are comfortable in it. They make their lives a living hell, but a familiar one.


This network of thoughts has been your home since you can remember. Your home is safe and familiar. It may be sad and painful sometimes, but it's home. And besides, you've never known any other. Because this structure has always been your home, you assume that it is what reality is- that your thoughts are Reality with a capital R.


If you start to use a method that makes gaps in this web of who you are and what reality is, and if it lets the sunlight in and you peek out for a moment, might you not get frightened as the comforting walls of the ego start to crumble? Might you not prefer the security of this familiar prison, grim though it sometimes may be, to the uncertainty of the unknown? You might at that point pull back toward the familiarity of your pain."

This book came to me at just the right time, and what Ram Dass talks about is exactly what I have been experiencing for a very long time, only now I am beginning to understand why I have always chosen pain. I have noticed for a few years now that there is a certain gratification in my suffering, a comfort, and leaving it is the scariest thing in the world. As I begin to understand myself, I can see it so clearly in others. I watch as they too choose pain over pleasure, and think there is no other way. We're all so innocent, and the journey we are on isn't always going to be easy. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to know yourself, to break down the walls of pain that you have surrounded yourself in. But don't give up. As you awaken, you will see more and more of the light that you are, and the moments of stillness(bliss) you experience will become longer and occur more often.

What would happen if today you just sat alone, quietly and meditated, even if only for 5 minutes? And don't say you don't have time or that you'll do it another day. What is more important than this? I know it can be scary, but it won't kill you. It is the ego which fills you with apprehension, for it fears its own death. Don't expect anything. If you go into meditation wanting something, you will not get it. You may find that the thoughts won't slow down and that you keep losing yourself to the thought process, but don't worry about it. In meditation everything is valid. Just keep steering yourself back to your breathing(or whatever you have chosen to focus on, whether it be a candle flame, a mantra, the sound of the ocean, or a beautiful painting) Just sit, and be still, and allow life to flow. Be brave, face what you have been running from for so long.

I will end today with a quote from the teachings of Vivekananda, of the Advaitist belief system.

..." Thus, says the Advaitist, 'Know the truth and be free in a moment.' All the darkness will then vanish. When we see ourselves as one with the Infinite Being, when all separation has ceased, when all men and women, all gods and angels, all animals and plants, and the whole universe have melted into that Oneness, then all fear disappears. Who is there to fear? This is the one way, says the Vedantist, to knowledge. Kill out this differentiation, kill out this superstition that there are many. 'He who is in this world of many sees that One, he who in this mass of insentiency sees that one Sentient Being, he who in this world of shadows catches that Reality, unto him belongs eternal peace, unto none else.'"