Dreams

I didn't think I'd be blogging again for a while, but today I felt that it was time for an update, as so much has changed in the past weeks.

As the winter solstice approached, I could feel a strong energy flowing through me. It was very wild and so powerful. sometimes it took over me. I was filled with a lot of fear and sadness. It really felt like the world was ending at times and my sense of control was completely gone. I felt like this power, which was bigger than anything I had ever experienced, was a part of me, and I began to see that it could do as it pleased with me. The day after the solstice, the energy intensified, but somehow it wasn't troubling me so much. I was learning to flow with it somewhat.

Jewelry I sell at the market

Fresh local durian 

 Ever since then, things have been manifesting in my life, pretty much anything I desire. I began making money selling my jewelry at the farmers market, and now have the job I have always wanted. The people that I live with have been inviting me to Kirtans, and ever since my first time attending, I have felt a deep connection to the people there, the music, the movement. My landlord offered me a new place to live, deep in the jungle. It is a 10 acre fruit farm in Kalapana. There are hundreds of ancient mango trees which fruit year round, bananas, lychee, papayas, eggfruit, and I'm sure so many more. All of the fruit is wasting on the ground and I'm encouraged to eat as much as I want. The house is big and surrounded by coconut trees, which I can drink every day. I found out not long ago that Jaden is coming here to be with me, so we're finally going to be together, in a real way, not just as an in between going from place to place. We have dreamed and dreamed of living in a fruit forest together and it's about to happen! We'll be a short walk from the beach(where we can swim with dolphins and sea turtles), Kalapana farmers market, the lava flow(which you can even see from our land). I'm making more fruitarian friends here, new ones all the time. On New Years day I was just invited to have a durian party with some friends who live in my building here in Hilo. They have a beautiful fruitarian son named Rabbit, and being around him is teaching me a lot. I love learning from the wisdom of babies and children.

Birthday Flowers I received at a Kirtan gathering

With all of these wonderful things manifesting in my outer life, I can see more and more clearly, that none of that is of much importance on my path in this life. The outer doesn't even feel like it really exists. Maybe it doesn't. My work here is within, and lately I have been troubled because I'm feeling my journey here much more strongly. I used to think I was choosing it, but I'm not. I'm realizing that I came here in this body for a reason, and it's not what my mind expects. A part of me so badly just wants to live a simple life in the jungle with Jaden, have children, grow fruit, swim in the ocean, bask in the golden sunlight, but my spirit screams other things at me. Maybe its just a phase. Maybe I can still have that simple life that I want. Or maybe I'm here for other things. There's no way to know I guess. Just let the universe have me, and enjoy the ride.

I've been living off nothing but orange juice for 6 days now. I started on Christmas and wanted to finish after the new year. Just this morning I was telling Jaden that I was thinking of continuing the juice feast for 10 days, just because I am feeling so much clarity, and enjoying the juices so much. But then I went to the market with my friends and they mentioned the New Years Day durian feast and I thought that would be a wonderful way to start the new year, eating the best food on the planet with such glowing souls. I still haven't decided yet though. I'll see how I feel when the day comes. Right now, I have no desire for anything other than orange juice.

This may be my last blog post for some time, not because I don't want to write anymore, but because we're going to be moving to a place without electricity and our plan is to become part of the jungle, connect with Gaia, try to release as much technology from our lives as possible. It's going to be scary to let go of everything we've used to escape from facing our true selves, but we feel ready and excited for this new journey.  I imagine I'll be posting updates from time to time, and lots of photos from our primal jungle adventures.

Now that we're in the midst of this shift, humans are realizing their divine potential. If you want something now, just dream it and see it in your mind and it will be yours. There really are no limitations in life. It's all illusion. We're creating the entire outer world. How do you want it to look?