Living The Unknown

FLORIDA 

As soon as we got into the airport in Fort Lauderdale, the air was hot and humid, palm trees lining the streets. We were back in the tropics and it felt so good. It was like Hawaii, but the energy was the opposite. Instead of Pele breathing fire through my soul, forcing me to face my demons, Florida held and nurtured me. I felt like I was a little baby again and that I was very safe. We did spend some time in big cities where the energy wasn't quite as soothing as the country, but overall, Florida was heaven to me. In Homestead, everywhere you went you'd find locally grown tropical fruit for sale. I had the best mamey sapote there of my life. I also got to have some sugar apple(annona family) and soursop. We didn't have much money, so we lived at a free campsite out in the middle of nowhere. We slept near a lake which was filled with alligators, vultures flying all around. It was incredibly beautiful.

 Later in the week we went to check out some of the land I had found online earlier in the year. It was even better than I expected. So as much as everything was feeling a bit crazy with us running out of money, and not having a place to live or a car(our rental car needed to be returned at the end of the week) my hopes were high. Being back in the tropics was very soothing to my body as well. The color was coming back to my skin, and the toxins from living in the city were coming out. Every day I was feeling more alive. But Jaden didn't love it like I did. By the end of the week he was ready to leave. That put me in a very difficult position. I had to make a choice, either stay in the place I had dreamed of, get my land and start my food forest, or be with the man I love. The decision seems easy enough, but adding to it was the fact that Jaden wanted to go back to Seattle, his home and comfort, my hell and cage. It isn't that Seattle is a bad city, but it's a city, and to me that is a place to watch yourself die, not to live. I was ready to follow him back there though. Last minute he decided to visit his family in Massachusetts instead. I decided to go too.

Leaving Florida felt like being ripped from where I belonged. The last day there we were on the east coast, in Pompano Beach, and it was very windy. For me a warm tropical breeze on a sunny day is like being in the arms of God. I let the wind flood through me, washing away everything that hurt as I prepared myself to leave.

Jaden just before leaving for Florida

Campsite at dawn

Alligator lake near our tent

Watermelon Man

The Swamp where we lived.

Coming back to life:)

Alligator swimming toward us. 

In Naples City

Jaden at Naples Beach

Me in Naples

Chocolate Sapote tree in Homestead

Sapodilla Tree

Mamey Sapotes for sale:)

Sugar Apple

Jaden with Soursop

Fruit and Spice park display

Samples at Fruit and Spice Park

Sunset at our camp

MASSACHUSETTS 

Life is never what you expect it to be, and holding onto expectations causes pain. I'm getting to see that more than ever now. Every day I look at my life and see how my dreams seem to be slipping further away, and I have a choice to either allow myself to go with the flow, or to be in despair. The easy choice is to live in pity, thinking that you deserve better. The choice to live your life, the life you're in right now, without resisting it, that is very difficult, but the more you do, the more it will bring you peace. I'm not saying I made the right choice, or that I should just settle for a life that is drifting further and further from the one I have always wanted. But as long as I'm here, living the choices I made, I might as well make the best of it. It's not so bad here. I have been eating durian and persimmons, walking through beautiful parks where the autumn leaves are at their peak. I'm with Jaden, even if I'm not where I want to be. There are many things to be grateful for.

The park where we went today(photo from the internet since I forgot my camera)

My life is so unknown right now. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow. I do know that if I stay strong and have faith, there is nothing that can stop me from my dreams. Every place I end up, it is always right, even if it isn't what I expect. If there is a time for me to leave, I will know it because I will be gone. Right now I have the opportunity to be truly free, to learn from the wind that there is nothing to resist.