Day 2 of fasting experiment + Goddess Drawings

This is the second day of my daily fasting experiment. It has been almost a full day since my last meal and I've been going through some pretty intense detox, more than I expected. I began by having one of those achey detox headaches last night, then my mouth began to fill with acid that I couldn't wash out and it burned my teeth and gums. That has happened other times when I've fasted as well. Even though I eat a very alkalizing diet my body is in an acid state right now. I woke up in the middle of the night literally soaked in sweat. I had to get out of bed and rinse off. I've never sweated that much ever. My body is clearly working very hard at cleansing. This morning I have a slight headache and just feel shaky and a little nauseous. So far the intestinal pain is very much diminished and I can feel the bleeding has stopped. It's only going to get better from here on out.

I started eating today at 10am. I was going to wait until 11, but I became very hungry after walking for a good 45 minutes in the rain and becoming so cold that I've been shaking for hours now. I can feel my body burning a lot of calories to stay warm now. I ate 5 papayas and then felt kind of sick, but after a few minutes I decided to eat some more because I want to get in more food today if possible. I opened up a breadfruit I had collected in the jungle a few days ago. I had only tried it once before and I now know that the one I had was rotten. This is a very strange fruit. It was actually sweet, with a creamy, gooey, raw bread dough like consistancy. As much as the taste seemed pleasant to me, my body said no very strongly so I only ate a couple of bites. I was going to dig into a soursop that I had brought into town with me, but I opened it to find that is was rotten and brown inside. Luckily I had a few dates left. So I ate 12 of them and I'm full now, just wanting to get under some warm blankets and watch a movie or something. I kind of miss being able to watch movies to be honest. Not always, but once in a while it's really comforting to just forget about life and cuddle up and enjoy a movie.


Last week while waiting for the bus I talked with an artist who lives on my road. She told me how she spends all her time painting goddesses. It hit something in me really deeply. I missed art so much, and it made me think of how I used to find myself painting and drawing almost nothing but goddesses, but not how most people create them. My creations weren't of magical women made of fire, or water, greens and blues, red and orange. They were just ordinary women who you could see within them that which was wordless, a knowing in their eyes, in their movement and form. For days now I have felt so compelled to start drawing, but so afraid of what happened last time. It has been a very long time since I've seriously sat down and lost myself in drawing or painting. Yesterday, moments before I needed to catch my bus home I found myself in search of pencils. I got some and when I got home nothing could stop me, I just sat down knowing I was going to draw. It felt very good, but before pencil touched onto clean paper I became filled with anxiety. "I should be afraid-is that true?" And in that moment I let go, and spent hours drawing, filled with silence and peace. I ended up with two goddess drawings which I feel good about. I've been planning for a while to start selling artwork again and I'm going to get a site up soon with all my stuff for sale. I'm going to be painting again soon, I can really feel it, and I'll be selling my trance bracelets too. Until then I will post whatever I create on here. If anyone is interested in either of today's drawings they are $20 each, including shipping to anywhere in the US or Canada. Anywhere else, add $5. It'll be really good to start making money doing things that inspire me and it will really help in my manifestation of my land and of the fruit trees and things I need to get started with my dream.

Last night I also ended up doing some yoga, a lot of writing, and just had some silent time with myself. More and more it is sinking in that I AM EVERYTHING. It's so unbelievable how I've spent my whole life thinking there was something to strive for, always searching, but never finding what I was looking for. Knowing this doesn't mean I am going to live a life without possessions, or just sit in silence alone for the rest of my life. I could do that, and that would be ok, but it is really fun to explore and experience the physical realm. There are so many things I want to do in this life. I want to see the world, especially Thailand, where I will follow the durian season and fill my body with the most delicious food on the planet. I want to own a piece of land that I can love and respect and nurture, growing every kind of fruit you can imagine. I want to share loving, deep, intimate experiences with people. I want to be a mother and learn from the wisdom of my children. Mmmm, there's so much good in this world. I feel very grateful for this life.