I haven't blogged in a while, but somehow I noticed that after I had been here about 3 months, my last year's blog entry that I wrote at the 3 month mark of my trip to Hawaii, was republished. I don't know how it happened, but reading it, I noticed how different my experience is this time. I really don't have anything to share, except for my outer experience, which is so much in alignment with this blog, I feel like I need to write about it.
Today I went to the Maku'u farmer's market in the morning and got a rollinia, some chocolate sapotes, and a giant super ripe jackfruit! It was too giant, so massive I could barely move it. I asked the farmer if I could just buy part of it, but he said only if I could find someone who wanted to buy the other part. I walked around, not sure what to do because it smelled so good, and I really wanted jackfruit, but I was on foot(only one good foot since a nail had gone through the other one and I could barely limp my way around.) and would be hitchiking home, with a good chance of walking a very long way. I decided to buy it, and figured the universe would find a way to get me home with this beautiful fruit. As I was paying for it a nice young guy came and asked if I would share it with him, so he bought half from me. We chopped it with a machete and went our separate ways, each with our amazing bounty. I ate as much as I could before leaving the market(and by the way, this was the best jackfruit ever! a soft one, super creamy and so sweet.), and got unbelievably lucky, ending up with a ride all the way home, without needing to wait at all.
Around noon time, my friend Leaf from down the road came to visit and pick some avocados. He brought me all kinds of seedling fruit and veggie plants, and we spent a good while working in my gardens here. Later we went exploring into the jungle, to a place not far from where I live. It was an abandoned fruit orchard, bigger and more bountiful than you can imagine. We filled backpacks with coconuts, oranges, lemons, longans(there were more than we could pick or ever eat, hanging from the branches like clumps of grapes, weighing down the trees.), pomellos, papayas, and so many other fruits just coming into season. There were mass amounts of soursops, which are all becoming ripe, small jackfruits which will be ready in some months, tons of avocado trees which are in blossom, abius, every kind of citrus, and god knows what else. We were only there a short time, and I feel like every tree there was a fruit tree. If I stay here I will never need to buy fruit again. No one knows about this place, and I think I will keep it that way. It was the garden of eden I have always imagined. I think the way my mind is manifesting things here is pretty wild. I dreamed of this place, but never believed it could be real.. The energy there was calm and soothing. Hanging out with Leaf was really fun too, and how could you not have a good time exploring the jungle, eating the best fruits in the world?
This is just a short entry, and quite possibly the last one you'll see for a while, maybe ever. I manifested it all here. This is a fruitarian's paradise, but Kalapana is the site of the active volcano flow. The land here is forcing its lesson on you, that nothing will ever last, that all attachment will cause so much suffering. And it will keep giving you examples of this, it will keep breaking your heart, and taking everything from you, until you learn. This is the harshest environment I have ever lived in. And it sounds funny being that its also the most beautiful, calm, heavenly place I have ever been or feel that I will ever be. But it's not what it seems, not even a little bit. It's God, in your face, with no distractions, nowhere to run. If you're not ready for it, things can be bad. Really bad. There is nothing here, NOTHING, and even though it is everywhere, here you can see it without trying, and your ego will need to cling to a something, to anything, and it can't anymore. The illusion is gone. I don't know what's going to happen. This is deeper than I thought it was possible to go and I'm lost in it, in a sea of darkness, but somehow I know I am home, always. There's something so deep inside of me which feels safe, and it's too deep for me to experience most of the time, but I know it's there. All I need to do now is live. There is nothing else.
